24 October 2007

Sportscasters Watching Zombies Attack People

"Well, John, it's a spooky night here in the town square. The entire village has turned out for the showdown of a lifetime...what can they expect from the zombies tonight?"

"You know, Al, it's been several years since the zombies last rose from beyond the grave to feast on the flesh of the living, and in that time the villagers have done relatively little to prepare for the inevitable rematch. Now, the zombies are definitely going to bring their "A" game here tonight, and unless the villagers have some tricks up their sleeves, it's going to be a rough night for them. I think we're going to see a lot of screaming, a fair amount of running in terror and certainly a great deal of fervent prayer."

"John, I understand that the zombies have been known, in the past, to kill at random and without mercy; is that something that these villagers are prepared for?"

"I feel like the people here in this village are so terrified of the zombies that they really aren't going to be able to do much more than run around screaming, but there may be a few wild cards who decide to take a stand and fight. In the past, we've see people take down a few zombies here and there, maybe with a well-placed blow to the head or something like that, but for the most part I think the zombies look pretty well set to win it all here tonight."

"And it looks like the first of the zombies have reached the edge of the village; the, uh, local religious leaders are trying to get everyone to calm down, but it appears that many of the women and children have begun wailing helplessly. Now, John, I see that a number of the men are holding torches and various farm tools; have these implements proven useful in the past against the onslaught of undead zombie warriors?"

"Well, Al, I think they've gotten mixed results at best. You have to get really close to a zombie to hit it with a rake or shovel, and a lot of times you'll see maybe one or two zombies go down, but there's always a few more to come in and finish you off. The zombies' real strength in an event like this is their inability to be killed. The villagers are going to have a real hard time getting the zombie legions under control, especially if they keep crying ceaselessly like this."

"I believe there are now zombies approaching from all directions...it appears that some of the bolder townsmen are attempting to mount some sort of offensive...they're grouping themselves together and moving toward the zombies...I think it bears mention here that this is a risky tactic."

"That's right, Al, the men of the village are taking a serious chance here. They need to keep in mind that anyone who gets bitten by a zombie will become one of the undead. This offensive maneuver could backfire if enough of the men are turned into soldiers of the netherworld."

"It seems that the zombies have already brought down a number of villagers...over near the fountain we're seeing a number of the elderly and infirm being devoured alive, and it's getting very hard to tell who might be left to fight off the zombie attack."

"You know, Al, I feel like the villagers are really not ready to compete at this level right now. I'm struck by their apparent inability to repel even the slowest and most confused zombies , and it definately appears that the zombies are benefitting from the pandemonium amongst their potential vicitms."

"We're about ten minutes into the zombie attack here, and I definitely feel like the villagers are losing ground; there is a pocket of resistance near the church, but for the most part the townsfolk are just lying on the ground while the zombies feast on their flesh."

"Right, Al, and it bears mentioning that a great number of the villagers have given in to the unnatural forces that now compel them to turn on their friends and neighbors and feed ruthlessly on their still-living bodies. While the zombies lack the speed and agility of their human adversaries, they are definitely making up for it by turning the entire village into a mass of unliving, murderous hell-people."

"John, I couldn't agree more. Maybe next time the villagers will be better prepared to repel a zombie attack, but as it stands here today, that's not likely to be possible until the area is repopulated and the zombies return to their sleepless torment beneath the ground."

2 comments:

mimi said...

id like to take a moment to pull up the required reading list:
world war z by max brooks (relation to the mel brooks)
for those who have not yet read this tale of zombie apocalypse

Dan B said...

Do as the girl says and no brains get eaten, see?