31 October 2007

Dr. Sonny Truelove speaks!

This just in from Dr. Sonny Truelove: how to be a functional loadie.

How to be a Functional Loadie

If it is in the case in yet another point in time where 'time' is approaching the "A.M." and you need to be like coherent in six or seven hours but you know that you'll be hungover as hell of all hells, then you need to like follow a few simple guidelines in order to have a productive lifestyle and like further your towardness to better days without guts bent in the Beams and the Jameson's wake with whatever wells wished you well the night before your decisions derailed your A.M. routine and daily livelihoods. This is simple.

You must have these items on hand for such an emergency scenario:

1 - One bottle/can of Mountain Dew

2 - Coffee grounds

3 - Coffee pot

4 - Two sample packs of Tylenol PM

5 - Two Sample packs of Aleve

6 - One jumbo 'Pay Day' candy bar

When you get home from dives and dates get your coffee friendI . ready to go, fully quipped with grounds and water.

Take two Tylenol PM's if you have five hours until you wake or three if you've been snorting things.

Then remove your alarm clock from next to your bed and put it in the kitchen next to your coffee friend


On top of your Coffee friend place two or three AleveIII


When your alarm clock rings, in the kitchen, walk into the kitchen and start your coffee pot, swallow the two Aleve, washing them down with the whole entire mountain dew, then hit snooze and go back to bed, half hour would be desired by most.

On the second buzz of your alarm, depending on last nights ventures you will not remember the first buzz of your alarmIV and will be happily greeted with a fresh pot of coffee from unknown sources, don't question these sources for you have work to do

Do your necessary morning routine, you know, like pants and books and feeding your pets and whatever it is that your life has assigned you, all the while enjoying fresh coffee and a 'Pay Day'.

This is a solid way to make it through life, being a serious loadie with his/her 'shit' together.


I your coffee maker
II be sure to set it to correct time, with relevance to Now and waking
III little blue happy pain buddies, OTC, any Bodega will carry samples wracked beneath prophylactic and chap sticks
IV drinking can and will cause black outs, fortunately most don't remember them but do often find themselves ashamed of unknown actions

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